This advice was recently published here in this site. As part of celebrating three years of serving the world by spreading the fun and other side of the news, this article is translated to full English. Hope this might help readers, particularly non-Filipinos, understand how the author gives advice to those in need. Okay, let’s start!
I am a OFW, 35 years old, single mom, married but separated for three years.
I have a story/poem made for C:
I knew you when I was young,
Young at heart and in mind
But you captivated my heart
I treated you as my first love
That I only knew of this
We became friends and became close with each other
Until my heart had fallen for you
You are my inspiration during those times
But without reason you just left me
It hurts, it really hurts…
I searched for you but in vain, just to tell why, why, why you left me?
I became weak, consumed in anger, had bad feelings for you
Because of you, I have learned so many things just to forget you but whatever I do, you are still in my heart and in my mind
Until the point has reached that I should be wed because it is needed for the baby in my womb. I know that this is unfair, but this is the only excuse I know just to forget you. I strove to become a good wife and a mother, but sooner my husband who I thought will love me forever had eventually left me…
In a long span of time we did not talk, did not met, did not explain why you had left me
I am free, and that’s the time we met again
You had explained why you left me – the reason why fate separated us…
For a long time, you admit that I am not the only one who felt this
That this is the reason why you left me – you wanted me to finish studies since I was very young at that time
Now that we met, we expressed our feelings that whatever happened in our lives, our feelings stayed the same
We have been given chance to meet now that I am single, but you are married now. You are a shadow that I see but I cannot touch. By the time we meet again, I wish that we will be both single…
That is the story that haunts me today because we have no communication for the past 20 years. But when we met, our communication with each other had started. Our questions had been brought into light. Our feelings had stayed the same, but he has established a family already. I love him and he loves me. We don’t want to cut our lines of communication, but I don’t want his family to be a broken one. Is it right for me to continously love the guy I loved for so long and who loved me? We are far from each other. Any advice?
PS: Please do not post my mail.
Thank you and please have patience on my letter.
For now, it is not right to love a person who has established his own family.
Because as what you said, you don’t want his family to be a broken one.
You love him. He loves you. But this kind of love is a love wasted. For now, this will do no good for both of you.
Fortunately, even somehow you still show your concern for his family.
Know whatcha doin’
You said, “We don’t want to cut our lines of communication, but I don’t want his family to be a broken one.”
So, what will you do?
Set limitations. This will be the first time that you will meet him, and I know that because you only face each other at this moment, it cannot be avoided that feelings and desires for each other, kept for so many years, will be released. The feeling that you want to hug and kiss him. The feeling that you will do anything for your loved one. This would not be a problem if both of you are separated from your past partners.
However, since both of you have your own kids, you must know how you should limit your treatment with each other, and tell that to him straightforward. This will be like, “Hey, I know that you have your own family, so I treat you as a friend only.”
Message sending failed.
Actually, I cannot blame you because I know that for the past twenty years, communication is really difficult. Even chasing after him would be extremely difficult for you. (I will discuss something.) The reason: Ways of communication are limited. Regarding mails, it will take forever to reply. If you have a telephone, you have an advantage. And if you have a cellphone (or beeper) at that time, it is as if you bought a Samsung phone or an iPhone.
You have nothing to regret on what happened to both of you. Actually, it is all his fault. For now I will tell you that he had hurt you. Regardless of his reason why he left you, he must find ways to go back to you.
Lack of strategy
Look at what happened to both of you. He left you without reason. He left you confused, which should not be done if he really loves you. He must explain to you in the first place why he left you. Or if he cannot explain it to you, or if he’s afraid to say that truth to you, even a little bit of reason is enough.
Or if he is really worried about your studies, he might teach you in subjects you find difficult. This will test him if he really is concerned about you or not.
Fate does not dictate you
If you look at it closely, fate will not dictate your love for each other, and fate will not dictate when you will meet him. For in the first place, that guy dictated the fate for both of you.
Why do I say this? Some people were poor in the past, but later became one of the richest in the Philippines. There are success stories like this, and strategy became their secret to their success. Aside from that, this is their mindset for them to be successful: “It’s just a matter of choice.”
Same goes with your relationship with him. It is up to that guy if he will use the strategy to face the challenges in your relationship, because this will make or break both of you, and this will define your fate in the future. Do you understand?
I will ask you: Did he came back to you after you had finished your studies?
This is a very important question, since this tests if he can justify or defend his act of leaving you.
Based on your letter, the answer is no. He just married anyone else, instead of waiting for you. He had wasted chances to find you and make amends for all the pain he gave to you. Now that he has a wife, he must stand up with his choice during their lifetime as a couple.
(I’ll go a bit farther.) I had remembered something. A song from Janella Salvador had stated,
“If time is ripe for us, you can love me now.”
But what happened to both of you is this:
“If time had passed us by, you can love me now.”
If that’s the case, the last lines of the song is justifiable:
“Mother does not approve this, Father does not approve this.
Aunt and Uncle does not want this.
Brother does not want this. Sister does not want this.”
It is normal for someone like you to be hurt. It is also normal for you to have bad feelings for him. A girl who loves does not deserve this unacceptable act. Just cry. Just release all your tears and all your pain that you feel inside.
It is also normal for you to be confused, especially that he came at the wrong time. Even if you want to give him another chance, you have no choice because it is his personal decision.
We cannot say what will happen in the coming years. You have no choice but to wait for him, if you are just willing to wait for him.
Anyway, if he regret his act, let him regret that. It is all his fault.
He had wasted so much time. He has many opportunities to change his fate for both of you, but he did not act. This will be the time when love can be made a priority, without worrying about other priorities in life. He did not know that for twenty years, many changes had been taking place. Even a person’s mind is changing too.
He must understand that priorities are different now. Both of you are slowly becoming mature, especially in mental aspect. Now that both of you are in the right age, and have your own families, you must prioritize your son/s or your daughter/s. If he had not given you the chance to love a person, at least you can show it to your son.
You have no power over the past. What you can only do is to wait for a man who will love you and your son. Believe me, it’s possible.
Regarding the P.S. that you had written, that’s wish granted. Actually, it is my attitude not to post e-mails in this site. Because of my attitude, you can tell me everything without fear or shame.
It is okay even if the story or problem you sent me is this long. What’s important is that you have explained to me properly what happened to you and to him.
If you can share your story to me on what happened to that guy from the time he left you up to now, it would be better. Because of this, I will be given a chance to know what really happened to him and to see clearly if he neglected in handling relationships like this or if there are situations that both of you cannot control. That guy will be given a chance to explain his side, and because of this I might revise the love advice to fit your situation. Don’t worry, I promise again that all your contacts to me will be confidential.
Thank you so much for sharing your story in this site. Actually, I only responded to your letter because in the past days, I was busy studying for an examination. Now that the exam is finished, I can give love advice to people like you. Thanks for trusting TweetNewscaster.