NBI and DOJ to arrest girl with eleven arms

QUEZON CITY, Quezon Province, Philippines – Hindu god Shiva is now beaten, for the Pearl of the Orient is to set another new record-breaker.

The NBI, or the Noble Board of International, together with the Democratic Offering of Justice (DOJ), has prepared a program called Oplan Tentacles, with the major objective of arresting the girl with an eleven arms. In fact, it had sought the help of the PNP (Professional Noble Policemen) to lead series of hot pursuits to arrest the said girl.

The NBI and DOJ had wanted to arrest the girl since her boyfriend had serenaded her by posting in Facebook the following lyrics:

Take me in to your eleven arms
Kiss me under delight of the thousand starts
Please you head in my bitting heart

#TeenKingOutLoud

An agent of the NBI who had led the Operation Tentacles refused to disclose his name for security reasons. However, he had shared his views about the said operation.

He said, “Kailangan nating hulihin ang babaeng iyan. Malay natin, baka makasampal iyan. Kayang-kayang sampalin niya ang kahit sinong tao, tapos sabay-sabay niyang gagamitin ang 11 kamay. Iyon ay nakamamatay, at iyan ay nakakabahala.” (We must catch that girl. Someday, it can spank any person using eleven hands simultaneously. That’s deadly, and that’s worrisome.)

Ang problema nga lang namin ay kung paano namin siya huhulihin. Kapag nag-resist siya, lalo kaming mahihirapang arestuhin iyan. Meron kaming options: Una, hulihin siya gamit ang 5 o 6 na posas. Second option ay magpapagawa kami ng posas na para sa 11 braso.” (Our problem is how we can arrest her. If she resists, this would be more difficult for us to arrest her. We have options: First, arrest her by using 5 or 6 handcuffs. Second option is that we will make a special handcuff for eleven arms.)

Malaking tulong din kapag nahuli siya. Baka isali pa natin siya sa Guiness Book of World Records,” (It would be a big help if we caught her. We might include her in GWR Book.) he further emphasized.

eleven
A computerized facial sketch of a person with eleven arms. Photo from Tumblr

To facilitate the arrest of the said girl, the Facial Expressions division had released a computerized artist’s sketch of what she in eleven arms would look like. The head of the operation had been very satisfied over the rendering of the said woman, and told that “we are exerting our best efforts to arrest this girl. I hate to do this, but that’s what the law says. It’s the call of our duty.”

Meanwhile, Dr. Ben Tong had shared that the said girl has an “entekaoplaiasis”, a condition which is definitely incurable. He further said that if she wants to remove the said condition, she should face a total surgical operation which he estimates the cost to PHP 1,560,000 (US$102380.00).


WARNING: This article is a joke, is intended to be read for enjoyment, is intended for fun, and this should not be read seriously. TweetNewscaster is not responsible for any loss or injury associated in believing that this article is very real.

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