As part of our celebration of our third anniversary in this site, another article is now available in full English.
This was one of the firsts love advices I have made since I ran this site in 2014. At that time, I had been reliant on love advices shared by some Facebook users in Papa Jack’s page.[1] They believe that it was the official page of Papa Jack, while in fact, it is not; instead it was used to collect some thoughts on love advice he shared with his listeners.
From there, I picked some love problems which will become the firsts articles – or the nucleus – behind the articles I wrote under Love Advice category. These firsts articles become my guiding principles in writing subsequent articles.
I am hereby giving you the full English version of this article. There was a story behind this: A blogger had commented on this article and told me, “What language is that? And why are there so many English words mixed in to it?” I replied that I am publishing this in both English and Filipino languages, and I am requesting an e-mail to be sent to her. As of this writing, she did not reply to my request.
It has been more than two years since she wrote that comment to my article, and I am translating this as I am tired of waiting for her reply. Okay, let’s start!
From Papa Jack Advice Facebook Page:
Papa Jack, I need an advice. 😦
What can I do? I am very angry to the ex-girlfriend of my boyfriend even if we were together for six years. They have not contacted each other for so long, and they had cut off their lines of communication when we were on our first year.
His past has a new boyfriend too. But I cannot move on with that ex of my boyfriend because I know that she loved him so much. When they were together in the past, he was his first girlfriend and they had a relationship for so long.
But my boyfriend had made me feel that I am the only girl he loves. Why I am experiencing this feeling? I am still going crazy even if they weren’t together for long. Please advise me. Thanks a lot.
My Advice:
It’s simple: Forget his ex-girlfriend.
You’re very lucky. If other boyfriends or girlfriends still open their lines of communication with their ex, your case is different – his contacts with the past has been cut off. If their lines of communication are still open, most likely you’ll panic. Because this is open, there’s a big possibility that he and his ex will be together again. But in your case with your bf, his contacts with that girl are already broken. If they did not use anymore these lines of communication, most likely their relationship will deteriorate, so there’s no reason for you to worry.
It’s regrettable that you did not explain why you are angry to his ex-girlfriend. But regardless of your bad feelings toward his ex-girlfriend, remember that you need to forgive her. And remove the anger in your heart. Why?
- If you are still angry to that gal, you will not truly enjoy your moments with your boyfriend if this is still your main concern.
- Keeping so much anger inside is also bad for your health.
- Instead of focusing your attention to your boyfriend, you are focusing your attention to his ex, even if she’s not your boyfriend.
- Now that he’s yours, now is the time to prove to him that you are more worthy of his heart than to his ex.
- That guy had made every effort and ensured his love for you.
How will you lessen your anger towards the ex of your boyfriend? This was taken from my post written a long time ago, but I will interpret these tips for you to understand:
- For a while, ignore her or never talk to her. Especially if you have a bad feeling towards her or if you don’t really like her. If you will talk to her and if you will pay attention to her, your battle with her will get worse.
- Just have activities that enjoys you the most. And if you do that, you must enjoy what you are doing and make the most out of it. And to enjoy it well, you must be focused on what you are doing.
Just focus on caring your boyfriend, especially that you are enjoying this thing right now.
- Delete all pictures of him with his ex together. To do this, you need to seek help from your boyfriend.
It does not make sense if you stare at their pictures while you are forgetting your anger towards the ex of your boyfriend. Otherwise, your efforts to move on are wasted, and worse, you might end up hating her more.
- Hangout with your parents, your friends, or your boyfriend. Try to spend some time with them. Promise. This will be a big help for you not to focus only on the hatred that you feel to that gal. Invest or add more time for them until you feel that anger has subsided already.
- Learn from his ex’s mistakes. Why? Sometimes in a relationship, mistakes cannot be avoided. Sometimes, with many mistakes, it reaches the point that we part ways even if this is hurting for us.
It’s likely that you have hatred towards her because she made a mistake or you don’t like something from her. In that case, you should have to learn from her so that you will never repeat these things in the future.
- If you still can’t move on because you have a bad feeling or because you are still in pain, you can release your feelings in Tacsiapo. What you will do is to throw plates, cups, and others into the Wall over and over again.[2]
If you will do this, the pain that you feel inside will be released. Afterwards, you will feel better after throwing these stuff.
- You’ll just have to push yourself. Nobody will push you to move on except you. Still, even if your parents, your friends, or your boyfriend are pushing you to move on, it’s still up to your decision. If you will not move on and wake up, you’ll become a pitiful person. Think that you’re doing this not only for yourself but also for your family, your boyfriend, and your friends.
Don’t panic. Your boyfriend loves you: He left the past, and he makes efforts to make you feel that he loves you. He has moved on. Now is your time to move on too.
Never make it to the point that when the time comes that he breaks up with you due to your refusal to move on, you might realize that you should not sow anymore seeds of hatred to his ex.
Six years is a reasonable, enough time to forgive her, remove the hate you feel to her, and move on. You should have done it in the past, but don’t worry. Start it now.
Author’s Notes:
- Papa Jack is one of the FM radio disc jockeys of 90.7 FM Love Radio. He is becoming one of the popular radio personalities in the Philippines due to his love advice to his avid listeners.
- Tacsiapo refers to Tacsiapo Wall at Isdaan Restaurant. The said restaurant is located in the town of Gerona, province of Tarlac. It can be accessed from Clark International Airport, just north of Metro Manila. The wall became famous as the wall where angry and frustated guests can throw cups, plates, mugs, and even television sets as part of anger therapy after eating in the restaurant. The word Tacsiapo in the Kapampangan language means “unlucky”.
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