Criteria on Rating K-Pop Music Videos

The author had made attempts on doing K-Pop MV reviews. If you’ll notice, I always rate these three music videos with a score of eight over ten. But it looks now boring.

You might ask me: What are you looking for in a music video? Simple. It must be wholesome, must be full of energy and fun, and it must not dwell on sex, too much sadness, and other gross things. In all MVs, prime consideration is given on the ability of the music video to project the music in a wholesome manner. Entertainment comes second when it comes to review.

To make it more precise and as objective as possible, I tried to formulate a criteria based on my previous MV Reviews. These will be given a rating of five per criterion (except for Criterion No. 15) and will be given total percentage. So far, I only rated three MVs, but I will discuss also other MVs as we go on.

The criteria will be applicable for all MVs to be released starting this year. I’ll try to do it on previous years if I will be given some time. But for Momoland’s Bboom Bboom, I’ll do a review on that for sure.

Meanwhile, the rules here are not absolute. If the song is sad, we have to use another standard. Standards for happy MVs cannot be used to rate sad MVs.

For those K-Pop groups, don’t worry if you think I will be biased here. I deal with K-Pop in general, and I haven’t hated any group, even one. I’ll try to be as fair as possible when doing a review of your work.

Here are the criteria, divided into main parts – Storyline, Appearance, Music, Dance, Lessons, and Other Matters:

Storyline

  1. Video must have a storyline. Aside from music, the video must tell a story. A good music video will be worthless if it does not have a clear storyline. It does not matter if it is placed at the beginning, middle, or end of video, as long as it can be understood enough. It may be embedded in the video itself, or placed in description in its YouTube page. Best example would be TWICE’s Yes or Yes.
  1. Theme must be consistent and clear. Consistency is the key in making a successful music video. Occasional breaks on theme are tolerated, as long as it does not distract the viewer. Take the case of Momoland’s Baam and Gfriend’s Sunny Summer. They had applied their theme – different cultures and vacation activities, respectively – throughout the whole video.

Appearance

  1. The music video as a whole must be colorful. This need not be explained further. Colorful music videos excites the viewer and sets the mood. Take the case of Bboom Bboom, Jennie’s Solo, and BTS’ Idol.
  2. Must be done in good taste. How “good” is good taste? The video should not be displayed as to render it awkward or gross. That even if I have to view it from start till end, I will fix my eyes on that video. Admittedly, Really Bad Boy had failed in this case, as I felt awkward looking at the video most of the time. Meanwhile, Jennie’s Solo had passed this criterion.
  3. Does not celebrate Halloween, Easter, or similar celebrations. Exception is made for Christmas (minus Santa Claus and reindeers) and other secular celebrations.

These I personally disliked, as we have noticed that others celebrate these events as is. But tell of Christmas, and they will greet you with “Season’s Greetings” or “Happy Holidays.” This is the reason why I disliked the music video of TWICE’s TT and recently, Red Velvet’s Really Bad Boy.

  1. Does not feature astrology. God has looked upon this practice as an evil one. This was the reason why I can’t give an added point to TWICE’s Yes or Yes. They should have featured Mina and Chaeyoung on casino chips, ordinary cards, or dice instead. These also entails choices by bettors.
  2. Less horror is featured in the video. Exception is made for soft horror (scary events without scary characters). Now, if no traces of horror is featured, perfect score of five will be given, like that of Red Velvet’s Power Up.
  3. Not too revealing outfits. In a bid to attract viewers, sometimes they have to show their skin, up to the point where unnecessary parts have been revealed. Though not in the music video, this has been once noticed on Momoland members in their performance.

Music

  1. Ability of the music to excite the listener. This tells that “Even if I really don’t know the song, I will be excited hearing it till the end.” Bboom Bboom clearly hit it right.
  2. Music should not be deafening on the ears. The music will fail this test if it irritates the ears when played at a loudspeaker. It is given that some songs are like that when played too loud.

Dance

  1. Dance can be learned easily even by beginners. If they also want to do some sort of “dance challenge” like that of BTS’ Idol, they must keep this in mind. If beginners, even non-K Pop fans, can easily learn the dance steps (like in the chorus), then they are in.
  2. Dance must not be too sensual. How sensual is “sensual”? It is where a sensual dance is performed with revealing outfits at the same time. Yeonwoo in Japanese version of Momoland’s Bboom Bboom almost failed this test in her last part.

You may have heard of some music videos banned in KBS for the same reason. I’ll have no choice but to give a failing grade if this impliedly promotes sexual acts.

Lessons

  1. Moral lesson must be clearly stated. The music video must have the ability to inject a lesson to the viewers, expressly or impliedly. Even a little bit of lesson will do. Like TWICE, in their song Dance the Night Away: Despite so many problems, we must have some fun and dance the night away.
  2. They must impart something beneficial for their viewers. This answers the question, “What something good do I expect from their performance?” Not necessarily material things. Obviously. But something for the viewers to learn more, like Spanish music, some Spanish words, proper make-up, or proper hairstyle.Just give the viewers something to learn. Like Super Junior and Mamamoo, with Spanish words in Lo Siento and Spanish music in Egoistic, respectively.

Other Matters

  1. Inject sense of humor in the music video. This spices up the story, lifts up the mood, and adds more entertainment value to the MV. This will be given ten points. Best examples are in PSY’s Gangnam Style and Gentleman, and that of Sana in TWICE’s Like Ooh-Aah.
  2. Ability of the song to make it to mainstream media. This criterionjust forecasts the ability of the song to be played on TV and radio, and to promote their group. This also asks the question: Will that song follow the suit of BTS, 2NE1, Momoland, PSY, and other groups who had lend their song to TV and radio, and hit the charts? If they want to promote further their performance, they have to tickle the ears even that of non-K Pop fans.
  3. Review by other sites. We also have to consider what others would say about the video. It can be done via random selection of comments in Facebook, or getting the side of other websites. Simply stated, this is the “audience impact” factor, and it plays a small but important part in rating the video.
  4. Review of the music video as a whole. This shall be explained further in separate reviews.
  5. Other factors that are needed to rate the video favorably or unfavorably, if there’s any. These shall also be explained further in separate reviews.

Why am I doing this? This is for the love of K-Pop. Like you, the author wants some improvements so as to let many people love and appreciate the genre we share. This will help and guide our content creators in everything they do just to entertain us. Hope this helps them.


Featured Image Credit: Photo collage of some of K-Pop music videos for 2018.

Red Velvet (레드벨벳) – Bad Boy (Misheard Lyrics)

Good day, guys! Here we are on our third installment of misheard lyrics from Red Velvet, with their song “Bad Boy”.

Unfamiliar terms are provided for your convenience.

You may play this video while reading the following contents. Enjoy the misheard lyrics of “Bad Boy” (Red Velvet/레드벨벳) from TweetNewscaster!


Yeah. Hmm!
Ooh! Hmm! Hmm!

(Hey)
Who rat who, da who, Daboy?
Suman ay Sarah, so Noona din
Push si mangga future. I liked it
May hook. She pull taco catchy

O sige, pass daing go
Even nasa shing, kasi may isang good (Isang good)
Asiman Manay too. I liked it
When Yoongi bato pilyo (Ooh…)

Hala!
Todo handa rookie. Asan na?
At Gemma, you Joe, may kaha Ai-ai
Napuno she’s a Nova, may kaba (Ooh…)

Uling din ay dalawa
Modo, ano me?
Ma-Ddu Ddu, ooh ooh! Uwi oh
Anong suki tono, ooh ooh! Uwi oh
Amanda Kenny healthy ka

No more chicken o Gemma
Tell me otso man
Kape sa ooh ooh! Uwi oh
Meron ding ka-bulkan
Ooh ooh. Uwi oh
She soon kick a baboy down

Wooh ooh ooh, wooh ooh ooh
Chicken moto bad boy down
Wooh ooh ooh, wooh ooh ooh ooh

Chalk ka Nene. Meron, Nay? Geh, Mina, Marie is so
Kaka ito man kuto. Zoe, ka-carry matsing pa
Hoop! Tabing kotse gone si Gemma
Limot sorry, yeah, Chito, yeah

Sayang on Jhong balato
JooE rin, man tono, may katol bungal
Upo I get a droga, I got yeah
Mina tapat utang ka
Mantsa…

Mantsa sushi kina sushi isa na
Sine Kaye, machine na ma-ooh ooh ooh
Puso bato ma-Novo what Sarah

Uling din ay dalawa
Modo, ano me?
Ma-Ddu Ddu, ooh ooh! Uwi oh
Anong suki tono, ooh ooh! Uwi oh
Amanda, Kenny, Africa

Na moo chicken o Gemma
Tell me, otso man
Kape sa ooh ooh! Uwi oh
Meron ding ka-bulkan
Ooh ooh! Uwi oh
She soon kick a badboy down

Hula, so you mommy getchi
Sansa, goat sa mall din Kuya
Iyon talaga, toot iyon kiddo
Toengi, cartoon mo buksan
Two carpool, Jhong keto keso
Sayang, sarap kanin caravan (O teh Rowan)
Nalason ticky, nalason ticky, Zoe me

Uling din ay dalawa
Modo, ano me?
Mare, gee, ooh ooh! Uwi oh
Ketong lasang Cathay
Ooh ooh! Uwi oh
Kung pana’y i-tong it ko sa

Na moo chicken o Gemma
Tell me, otso man
Isa nang ooh ooh! Uwi oh
Piso lesson awesome
Ooh ooh! Uwi oh
Mare shitty badboy down!

Love Advice No. 91

From PRMSU Secret Files:

“Kyah, Teh Pengeng Love Advice”

Just call me Edward (Obviously not my real name), so eto na nga

There is girl that i really like, i mean like romantically not as a friend, tinry ko sya dati ligawan pero binasted nya ako and that was almost 2 years ago i think? hahaha after nya ako binasted syempre naging awkward kami sa isa’t isa for 2-3 months (nakalimutan ko palang sabihin na classmate ko siya 😂) syempre mahirap dahil nga araw-araw kami nagkikita and hirap na di mo kayang pansinin yung isang person sa room nyo…

Fast Forward to present

Nag-uusap na kami at mas close pa kami ngayon compared nung bago ko sya ligawan, madalas din kami nagkakatext at magka-chat pero di naman araw araw, minsan din may call hahahaha so eto na nga yung hihingan ko ng advice sa inyo…. Liligawan ko ba sya ulit or wag muna? She’s NBSB if that helps….

P.S. pag napost to magreread talaga ako ng comments isa isa 😂

Edward Cullen

C**

My Advice:

Huwag muna.

May point din naman si ate girl para ibasted ka niya. At may dahilan siya para gawin iyon sa iyo. Sabi nga ng isang netizen, “Karamihan kasi sa NBSB na babae, may naka-set na goal iyan.” Maaring iyon ay career, edukasyon, at/o pamilya.

Sa panahon ngayon, mas binibigyang-halaga ang edukasyon. Kaya nga marami pa ring mga magulang o kapatid na di pinapayagang mag-boyfriend ang dalaga. O di kaya ay personal decision na iyon ng babae. Saka lang nila papayagan si gal na mag-syota pag tapos na ng highschool/college o nakakuha na ng trabaho. Ang mas malala pa, di pa pinapayagang mag-boyfriend kahit pasado na sa exam at may sariling business na, tulad ng nasa Love Advice No. 31.

Isa pa, nag-iiba ng priorities ang isang tao kung pumasok na ang pag-ibig. Lalo na kung demanding ka sa kanya na ibigay ang time at atensyon niya sa iyo. Hindi maiiwasan na humingi siya ng atensyon at time sa iyo. At ganoon din ikaw sa kanya. Kung ipipilit mo ang relasyon ninyo, and demanding ka rin at the same time, dapat kang i-basted ni Ate Girl.

Magandang halimbawa dito si Janella Salvador. Nang maging kasintahan si Elmo, dumalang ang projects nila. Kung bakit, sabi niya, “For two years, I focused on Elmo and myself.” Inuna ni Jea ang pag-ibig sa halip na ang career.

Ang mas malala pa, kung ayaw ni gal na magka-boyfriend due to personal reasons. Kung iba ang tipo ng lalaking gusto niya. Kung naghihintay din siya ng “right guy” para sa kanya. O di kaya kung gusto niyang manatiling single at i-enjoy ang buhay.

Sa puntong iyon, kailangan mong maghintay ng tamang panahon para diyan. Alamin mo kung kailan siya puwedeng magpaligaw: After graduation? After work? Para naman makapag-plano ka ng diskarte mo. Habang hindi pa kayo in a relationship, gamitin ang oras na iyon para kilalanin siya, pati na ang kanyang pamilya.

Kung constant ang communication ninyo, mas magaling. Ituluy-tuloy niyo lang iyon, at darating sa point na hindi magiging problema kung liligawan mo na siya ulit.

It all starts with friendship

Malaking tulong din nang nag-decide kayo na maging friends muna. Iyan ang starting point mo para makapanligaw ka nang walang problema.

Tandaan din na nagsisimula ang lahat sa friendship. Ngayon, kung sinimulan mo agad sa relationship, at minadali mo ito, mas malaki ang chance na mawala siya sa iyo. Bakit? Kasi hindi mo siya binigyan ng chance para kilalanin ka niya at unti-untiin ang pag-ibig niya sa iyo, eh minadali mo naman. Hindi pa kasi nabubuo ang tiwala ninyo sa isa’t isa, na importante sa isang relasyon. Bakit pa niya itutuloy ang relationship ninyo kung wala na siyang tiwala sa iyo?

Lalong sayang ang ugnayan ninyong dalawa pag minadali mo iyan. Lalong mayayamot ang babae pag kinulit mo siya nang kinulit. Ang malala pa, hihimas ka ng rehas pag na-feel ng babae na hinaharass mo siya.

Take me as an example. Kahit ilang beses na niya akong binasted, at kahit ilang ulit akong nanligaw sa kanya, pinilit ko pa rin ang gusto ko. Dumating sa point na nasira ang friendship namin, na pinagsisihan ko hanggang ngayon.

Final Words

Sa kaso mo, kailangan mong i-establish ang friendship ninyo, habang naghihintay ka na ligawan siya.

Hintay-hintay lang din. Darating din tayo sa punto na maghahanap din siya ng lalaki. At darating din ang panahon na mismong magulang niya ang magtutulak sa kanya para maghanap ng pag-ibig. Doon mo na siyang puwedeng ligawan.

Girls Generation (소녀시대) – Mr. Mr. (Misheard Lyrics)

Good afternoon, guys! We will now feature for the first time Girls Generation, with their song Mr. Mr.

As I see that this was released for almost five years, and I had long wanted to do a misheard of it, I only had done this last year. The excitement I felt on this song had pushed me also to do it. Hope many of us pioneer K-Pop fans will appreciate this.

I see that if I could have done a misheard of it for some years ago, that would be different. Terms unfamiliar to readers are given links for convenience.

You may play this video while reading the following contents. Enjoy the misheard lyrics of “Mr. Mr.” (Girls Generation/소녀시대) from TweetNewscaster!


Let’s go!
Malutong ham hanggang noon
Good ko!
Mara ko studio onti
Chico!
No chika multo bagyo
Ooh, ooh, ooo-oh!
Ooh, ooh, ooo-oh!

Me, ano gata okay bura nitso ka
Up Suga tsugi pare ko no goon Kaka
No mall in shop
No moon kami
You bad, bad, bad boy
You’re so bad
(Bad, bad, bad)

Kow, gandang akin na (Hi!)
Mistah, mistah
Now what?
Mistah, mistah
Guro pa’no mom mamon

Na kasong tigil ham (Hi!)
Mistah, mistah
Chico inom diyan
Mistah, mistah
Kung kay Marlou, man

Isang toro ka, Jane
Beauty choco ‘to
Beauty ganda mo
Mistah, mistah
Mistah, mistah

Nadine, K na June
Suntok para diyan
Kokey, para na
Mistah, mistah
Mistah, mistah
Mistah, mistah
Mistah, mistah
Mistah, mistah
Mistah, mistah
Mistah, mistah
Mistah, mistah
Mistah, mistah

We know
At Chico Mitch i-motel
Jean sa
Pinito I’ll you draw care
No, where?
Siguro, mister Intsik
Ooh, ooh, ooo-oh!
Ooh, ooh, ooo-oh!

Mia, nung yes ay baro me Kaka singko
Sonia punta doon. Kuko mo’y guro AMA
Eh, Manny so, died ang gusot
My me-me-mister
Rock this world
(World, world, world, world)

Go, gandang akin na (Hi!)
Mistah, mistah
Noah!
Mistah, mistah
Guro pa’no mom mamon

Na kasong tigil ham (Hi!)
Mistah, mistah
Chico inom diyan
Mistah, mistah
Kung kay Marlou, man

Isang toro catchy
Beauty choco ‘to
Beauty ganda na
Mistah, mistah

Nadine, K na June
Soon Dick para diyan
Kokey, para na
Mistah, mistah
Mistah, mistah

One, two, three, four
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
Mistah, mistah
Mistah, mistah

Hey!
Hey!
Hey!

Hooh!

Siguro, Sisang ang no (oh)
O me happen
(Ni puto man Joe)
Mall ka Joe
(O she Macky)
Go Jihyo rocket
(Mistah, mistah)

Misis ko (o chico laman ni)
Ni Tito din (Dalawa)
Dahil akin na (Get at some)
(Noah)
Na mister (Ooh)

Go, gandang akin na (How?)
Mistah, mistah
Noah!
Mistah, mistah
Guro pa’no mom mamon

Na kasong tigil ham (How?)
Mistah, mistah
Chico inom diyan
Mistah, mistah
Kung kay Marlou, man (Ooh…)

Isang toro ka din
Beauty Jona ito
Cathy ganda mo
Mistah, mistah
Mistah, mistah

Nadine, kick a June
Chico limang chalk
Kokey pare ko
Mistah, mistah
Mistah, mistah

Leeg ng Manok Recipe (Chicken Neck Recipe)

Good day, readers! Narito na naman tayo sa isa pang serye ng pagluluto ng manok. This time, lulutuin natin ang malasang dish para sa leeg ng manok. Kung ready ka na, ihanda na natin ang mga ingredients:

  • Leeg ng manok. Useless ang pagluluto natin kung walang leeg ng manok. Sabagay, ito rin ang sinasabing “one of the useless parts” ng manok. 😥
  • Mantika. Any kind of cooking oil will do. Basta masarap. Kung gusto mo naman ng gaas, go ahead.
  • Luya. Preferred na gamitin ang turmeric para mas masarap. Kung wala nito, puwede na ang ordinaryong luya. Ito ang magtatanggal ng lansa sa manok na lulutuin natin.
  • Toyo. Na mabibili sa kapitbahay. Wag gamitin ang may toyo sa ulo. Haha.
  • Suka. Na mabibili din sa kapitbahay.
  • Asin. To taste.
  • Worcestershire sauce. Iyon din ang tinatawag nilang “Sarsa Perrins”. Iyan ang magbibigay ng dagdag na lasa sa ating leeg ng manok. Kung nahihirapan ka sa pagbigkas ng “Worcestershire,” puwede na ang “Sarsa Perrins”.
  • Sesame Seeds (optional). Ang mga sesame seeds ay magbibigay ng sustansya sa naturang dish. Ito rin ang magbibigay ng dagdag na kulay sa manok.
  • Cassava starch (optional). Ito ang magsisilbing pampalapot sa dish na niluluto natin.
  • Sikretong sangkap. Alam natin na hindi ito ireresearch ng team ni Jessica Soho. So, preferred natin ang Magic Sarap bilang pampalasa natin. Ay, bakit ko sinabi iyon? Never mind.
  • Spring onions, chopped (optional). Ito ang pinaka-dahon ng sibuyas, na magsisilbing dekorasyon sa ating dish.

Paano lutuin?

  1. Ibudbod ang sikretong sangkap sa manok.
  2. Sa kumukulong mantika, iprito ang leeg ng manok hanggang maging golden brown. Set aside.
  3. Sa natirang mantika, igisa ang sibuyas, bawang, at luya hanggang maging lanta.
  4. Ilagay ang leeg ng manok, toyo, suka, Worcestershire sauce, at asin. Isama na rin ang kaunting tubig. Takluban at hintaying kumulo.
  5. Oras na kumulo, tikman nang ayon sa panlasa.
  6. (Optional) Sa isang mangkok, ilagay ang cassava starch, saka ang tubig. Ratio is 1:1/2 by weight. Haluin hanggang sa matunaw ang starch. Ilagay sa dish natin at haluin habang pinakukuluan.
  7. Kapag malambot na ang manok, patayin ang apoy. Ilagay ang spring onions at ang sesame seeds sa dish. The “Leeg ng Manok” dish is now ready to be served.

Sana nag-enjoy tayo sa pagluluto ng ating dish sa leeg ng manok. Kung nasarapan ka sa luto natin, yehey! Kainan na. Have a good appetite, and happy cooking! 🙂

Red Velvet (레드벨벳) – Power Up (파워업)(Misheard Lyrics)

Good day, guys! We’re on our way again as we are featuring for the second time Red Velvet, with their song, “Power Up”.

This song and their music video is my most favorite among others in their group. Their music video is colorful, and they have nice outfits and special effects. This made me chose Wendy as she is the most beautiful among the members.

Respective links for unfamiliar terms are hereby provided below:

You may play this video while reading the following contents. Enjoy the misheard lyrics of “Power Up” (파워업) (Red Velvet/레드벨벳) from TweetNewscaster!


Ba, banana, baba, banana nanaba
Banana, baba, banana, nanaba
Banana, baba, banana, nanaba
Banana, baba, banana, nana

Oh, ah, natutuwa na mundo way
Si Karen, basta sashy eyes
Amerika mo masyado weh
Takot kung akin (Hey!)

Kaya nood din mo ligo
Ang Silka tulong mo, o sipon (Wow!)
Bone, iuwi Nadine
Taco man? Ah, yeah! May kape

So mo magic
Gone sa’kin good ocean we don’t
Napa-SONA ka

Go, go, airplane, banggit toro na nada
How I nabusog? Nadine Tonton po Ricky
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Let’s power up!
Yan nakita Domo rin, Goyo

Ba, banana, baba, banana nanaba
Banana, baba, banana, nanaba
Banana, baba, banana, nanaba
Let’s power up!
Like a change, sundan ikaw you

Oh, jowa ha, Linggo one head, IU
I want it, I want it, want it, want it, yeah
May code. Iyo Jun o powder Joe
I take it, I take it, take it, take it, yeah

Good again, uri, yeah. Jan Di, sorry tawa iyan
Chicken siya. Uling siya. Nadia, quota pilyo hey
Two Nayeon o limang salita, may tatsulok. Ha?
Mega look. Ha?

Ang Jin, sorry
Turtle mommy bake ground music
Carpool SONA iyan

Go, go, airplane, kayo meron na nada
Diving to the sky, one to Zorro butas oh
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Let’s power up!
Yan nakita Domo rin kayo

Go, go, airplane, banggit toro mana na
How I Pam? Oso, narito tsupon, Ricky
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Let’s power up!
Yan nakita Domo rin, Goyo

Ba, banana, baba, banana nanaba
Banana, baba, banana, nanaba
Banana, baba, banana, nanaba
Let’s power up!
Like a change, soon Danny kayo

Sam singing ang miki. Mason, no sad Joe
No Ted o era, teh, kusina Kaye hair
Hiram na niyo. Dami patak o rich Joe
Chika untog, second untog
It’s mine…

Go, go, airplane, banggit toro na nada
How I pabusog? Nadine, Tonton po, Ricky
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Let’s power up!
Yan nakita Domo rin Goyo

Go, go, airplane, kayo meron na nada
Diving to the sky, one to Zorro butas oh
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Let’s power up!
Yan nakita Domo rin, Goyo

Ba, banana, baba, banana nanaba
Banana, baba, banana, nanaba
Banana, baba, banana, nanaba
Let’s power up!
Like a change, sundan ikaw you!

Ang Alamat ni Juan Ponce Enrile (The Secret to Immortality)

Kilala naman ng marami ang dating Senador Juan Ponce Enrile. Sa pagtakbo niya ngayong Halalan 2019, isa lang ang tanong natin:

Bakit imortal si Enrile?

Sisikapin ng artikulong ito na tipunin at ibahagi ang mga sagot sa likod ng “siyam na buhay” ni Enrile.

Talambuhay

Ayon sa birth records, ipinangak daw siya noong February 14, 1924. At diumano, 94 years old na siya. Naroon na daw siya bago sina Queen Elizabeth, Mickey Mouse, Winnie the Pooh, at FEU:

Pero merong mga nagsasabi na hindi iyon ang totoong edad niya. At mukhang totoo ang sinasabi nila, dahil may nakakita sa kanya before that date.

Sa katunayan, si Enrile ay ipinanganak kasabay ng mga tala at mga planeta. Ayon kay Thinking Pinoy, sa kanyang The Big Bang Theory:

By all means, mas nauna pala si Enrile kaysa sa mga dinosaurs (at mga Minions). Imagine ang katakut-takot na hirap na pagdadaanan niya, kasi may mga dinosaurs na kumakain din ng tao (remember Jurassic Park?).

Ayon sa isang netizen, ang first girlfriend niya ay nabuhay noong panahon ng dinosaurs. Dahil nasa magkabilang mundo, nag-break sila. Dito na gumawa ng bill si Enrile na naghihiwalay sa Pangaea sa iba’t ibang kontinenteng alam natin ngayon. Saka pa lang siya nakamove-on. Ganoon din ang ginawa niya sa second gf noong panahon ng Ice Age. Kaya nga ang dating magkakabit na mga isla sa Pinas ay hiwa-hiwalay na.

Nahuli nga siya ni Krizette Chu na kumatay at kumain ng rhinoceros 709,000 years ago sa Kalinga Province. Ang tirang pagkain niyang iyon ay nadiskubre nito lang taon:

Nasaksihan din ng Senador ang kasaysayan ng Pilipinas: Mula sa unang babaylan, Magellan, Gomburza, at maging pagbaril kay Rizal. Nandoon din siya noong June 12, 1898 sa Kawit, Cavite. Nakadaupang-palad pa niya ang lahat ng Pangulo ng Pilipinas, mula kay Aguinaldo hanggang kay Duterte. At nasaksihan din niya ang halos lahat ng digmaan na gumugulat sa buong daigdig tulad ng World War II, Korean War, at pati na ang gulo ngayon sa Middle East:

Reactions

Heto naman ang reaksyon ng mga netizens

Mas nauna pa si Juan Ponce Enrile kaysa sa itlog at manok.
(So, useless din na pagtalunan kung itlog o manok ang nauna.)

Malalampasan din niya ang Apocalypse, Armaggedon, at Ragnarok.
(In fact, nalagpasan na din niya ang ‘end of the world’ ng Family Radio noong 2012.)

Pag umumbok pa ang harap ng pantalon ni JPE, iboboto ko iyan at ikakampanya! Pambihira, Alien iyan!

JPE: The only creature that makes Chuck Norris’ knees tremble.

Secrets to Immortality

Sa pagmamasid sa buhay ni Enrile, mapapansin na di lang isa ang power of immortality na nakuha niya. Marami nga kung tutuusin.

Inilarawan ng isang netizen kung ano ang powers ni Enrile para mabuhay:

He has the infinity gauntlet:

1. The mind stone – his brain for politics.
2. The time stone – his age for politics.
3. The power stone – his strength for politics.
4. The reality stone – the fact that he is living forever and still running for Senate.
5. The space stone – his Existence.
6. The soul stone – his immortality

Isang susi ang gauntlet na mayroong iba’t ibang stones para mabuhay siya nang matagal. Sa katunayan, nang bumisita si Thanos sa Banaue para kunin ang gauntlet, nakasalubong niya ang dating Senador:

Enrile: Thanos, I’ve come to bargain –
Thanos: (kills Enrile in many ways)
Enrile: (uses the infinity gauntlet)
Thanos: Ge, alis na ako.

Ayon naman sa ibang balita, patay na daw ang orihinal na Enrile. Ang kanyang mukha ay napalipat sa iba’t ibang tao na nagta-transform din bilang si Enrile.

Itinayo naman ng mga Intsik noon ang Bridge of the Immortals sa Yellow Mountain, China. Dito dumaan si Enrile kaya nagiging immortal siya ngayon:

Isa pang sikreto niya ay ang pagiging mahilig sa mga pusa. Dahil lagi niya itong nayayakap, nasisinghot niya ang mga balahibo nito – na may special powers din. Ang special powers na ito ay ang tinatawag nating “siyam na buhay,” o righting reflex ng mga pusa. So, di lang mga kuting natin ang meron niyan. Pati na rin ang dating Senador.

Mahilig din siya sa infinity pool at sa K-Pop group na INFINITE. Lumalangoy siya sa pool linggu-linggo at nakikinig din siya sa mga kanta ng grupo.

Kung ang marami sa atin ay naniniwala na “Walang forever” tulad ni Marcelo Santos III, si Enrile ay naniniwala sa forever. Tandaan din na “What your mind can conceive, your body can achieve.” Inisip niya na may forever, kaya siya ay nabuhay nang ganoong katagal.

Kung mapapansin din, isa pang sikreto ay nasa paglalaro ng ‘Bejeweled’ at Candy Crush Saga. Bukod pa iyan sa regular na check-ups niya sa doktor at stem cell therapy linggu-linggo.

Samantala, kung curious kayo sa pagkain ni Enrile, ito ang kanyang mga superfood:

Bukod sa mga superfood, sikreto niya ang hindi pagiging pihikan sa pagkain. Kapansin-pansin lalo na sa panahon ngayon ang pagiging mapili ng mga kabataan sa maraming klase ng pagkain. Lalo pa’t may mga bata na ayaw ng gulay. Pero si Enrile, magaling kumain ng sari-saring pagkain. Dito niya nakukuha ang lahat ng mga sustansyang kailangan para mabuhay nang matagal.

Di pa kasama dito ang pag-inom sa Fountain of Youth. Ano naman kaya ito?

Nakakarinig din kayo ng kuwento ng Fountain of Youth, isang mahiwagang bukal; at ni Ponce de Leon, ang Spanish explorer. Hinahanap kasi ni de Leon ang bukal na magpapabata sa kanya. Aniya, kung sinong unang makakita nito ay may exclusive access sa bukal. Pero wala naman. Natagpuan na kasi ito ni JPE. So hindi na nakakagulat kung patay na si Ponce de Leon, pero buhay pa rin si Enrile.

In the future

May mga nagtatanong kung mabubuhay pa rin siya sa hinaharap. Based on projections, mukhang oo ang sagot.

Imposible nang mabawi kay Enrile ang gauntlet dahil espesyal ang kapangyarihang taglay nito. So, makikita na lang ng mga mortal gaya natin, na si Enrile ay nanood pa rin ng Ang Probinsyano sa ilang bilyong taon pang darating.


Featured Image Credit: Enrile’s picture as posted in ThinkingPinoy’s page.

Dara – Kiss (Misheard Lyrics)

Good day, dear readers! We are now on our way featuring 2NE1’s Dara on her solo performance of “Kiss”.

I initially wanted to do a misheard thing of it upon hearing the song. However, too many delays rendered me forgotting this task. I just only did it last year, which took me several hours to finish this, but still I hope many Blackjacks will pursue interest on this song.

You may play this video while reading the following contents. Enjoy the misheard lyrics of “Kiss” (Dara of 2NE1) from TweetNewscaster!


I just wanna kiss
I never wanna miss
Batya itakin one more time
Lesson mo’y kaso ka

And dying for your kiss
I never wanna miss
Laman sorry Gemma
Me ito Lisa Joule ka (2NE1)

Baby boy, weh? Hans anghang, mali Cory man ay dapdapan
Baby boy, sayang eh ni coffee, icon Arah ama na
Baby girl, ni Singapore, nandun chika ng bala
Uli me hirang sadya choppy Lito
Ito na genuine na kay rookie damo now

Baby boy, kutya sigaw na paano kanta? Kia kay Ma
Baby boy, me tempo Singapore Danna mo. Chito, who?
Ano Baby girl, hey you cheetah na she carry suman. Hindi rin chico
Tapal the choco Mang Chito tootsie man
I guess you just never know

Modo Ritchie man
Gara, Negi ha Gemma
Monica putikan takaw, ah and
Just get it, get it!

I just wanna kiss
I never wanna miss
Batya itakin one more time
Lason mo’y Dagul ka

And dying for your kiss
I never wanna miss
Laman sorry Gemma
Me ito Lisa Joule ka (2NE1)

Baby boy, weh? Hans, anghang mali Cory man ay dapdapan
Baby boy, may tampo Singapore Danna mo. Chito, who?
Ano Baby girl, hey you cheetah na she carry suman. Hindi rin chico
Tapal the choco Mang Chito tootsie man
I guess you just never know

Modo Ritchie man
Gara, Negi ha Gemma
At siyang biro merong Zsazsa me
O siya’y Manzano ni

He’s so itchy man
Now na tao medyo na
Noona ham ay chicken, tatawa eh
Just get it, get it!

I just wanna kiss
I never wanna miss
Naman sorry Gemma me hit soli ka Joule ka!

Hurry up
You let it touch
Show the Monday call, para Jennie, Hyuna
Hurry up
You let it touch
Baby you’ll tell my kid, match hampas!
Lagot si Gemma!

Come Onew, let my body back
Media, may Sansa matchy man
None Onew ‘to, pati lose control
May sintang matsing kanin pie
Tiktik the clock (She gonna go back)
Ipis so stop (If amo pulis back)
Boo catchy unan na mall si Vina
Tiyak hero hit Dara kill a man

If you want me too, let’s go
Junjun, nanny mama disco
Na matsing ituwid daming totoma
Ritchie o Chuck ka pa rin. Ang U.F.O.

So duro Gemma
Tara, Negi ha Gemma?
Otsong kilo carrot Zsazsa me
Buksan ang siyam mani

Lee sulit seman
Momo? Tao meron na!
Monica putikan takaw, ah
Just get it, get it!

I just wanna kiss
I never wanna miss
Batya itakin one more time
Lason mo’y Dagul ka

And dying for your kiss
I never wanna miss
Laman sorry Gemma
Me ito Lisa Joule ka (2NE1)

Hurry up
You let it touch
Baby you’ll tell my kid ma-sampal

(Let’s pray this thing)
Sayang eh, dangerous
Ninong pito na poisonous
Chika mundo Nene two of us
Hadji man, medyas feel so good

Sayang eh, dangerous
Me hit so Rona poisonous
Chika mundo Nene two of us
We dangerous
And danger, danger, danger, danger

Sayang eh, dangerous
Ninong pito na poisonous
Chika mundo Nene two of us
Hadji man medyas feel so good

Sayang eh, dangerous
Me hit so Rona poisonous
Chika mundo Nene two of us
We dangerous
And danger, danger, danger, danger

(Sayang ka-sugat Quezon)
(Chuck ko din iyon)
(O diri di Joy, ah)

Ginisang Ampalaya Recipe (Sauteed Bittergourd Recipe)

Good day, readers! We will now cook a special kind of dish called “Ginisang Ampalaya” or Sauteed Bittergourd.

I know that many would be averse with this kind of dish, as they would avoid eating bitter vegetables. However, if we love our body, we have to eat this, albeit with less taste. This has been shared by a netizen, and honestly I don’t know the source. Well, anyway, I modified the contents just to cook it with less bitterness.


Here’s how you can cook the “Sauteed Bittergourd” with less bitterness:

What we need:

  • 2 pieces ampalaya, or bittergourd. Make sure that we will remove the contents, including the seeds. Cut it in half, then remove the seeds and the pulp. Cut into thin slices.
  • 3 cloves garlic, crushed. You can chop it into smaller pieces if you want. The smaller, the better.
  • 2 tomatoes, sliced. Cooked tomatoes will give added nutrient called Lycopene which aids in lessening risk of heart attacks.
  • 1 large onion, sliced. You can slice it anyway you want. Unless you want to cook it whole.
  • Black pepper, to taste. It’s up to you if you want it whole or pulverized.
  • Salt, to taste. Just don’t overdo it if you don’t want to raise your blood pressure.
  • Two eggs. Depending on how many bittergourds you want, you can add it up just to mask the bitter taste.
  • Water. We’ll use this later.
  • Soy sauce. We will just use any kind of soy sauce.
  • Cooking oil. Not just any kind of oil you see on automobile shops.

How do we cook it? It’s simple:

  1. Place the ampalaya in a large bowl. Add water enough to cover the vegetable, and wait for ten to thirty minutes. Then drain. The water will seep the bitterness inside the bitter gourd.
  2. In a pan, put a dash of cooking oil.
  3. If smoke starts to appear, saute the garlic, onion, and tomato until wilted.
  4. When wilted, add the ampalaya and salt, pepper, and soy sauce. Add few cups of water, then cover. Let it boil.
  5. While the mixture is boiling, taste it. Add more seasonings till desired taste is reached.
  6. Beat the eggs and pour over the bitter gourd. Mix it well. The Sauteed Bittergourd Recipe is now ready to be served.

Hope you enjoyed cooking the Ginisang Ampalayang Recipe. And I hope that you might not remember the bitterness while we are cooking it. Have a good appetite, and happy cooking! 🙂